Garandee's Kawawang Undies

Garandee and I have been doing our own dusting, packing and moving the past few days, and we are totally exhausted! So far we've got 75% of our stuff moved, mostly my wife's junk... Tomorrow I finally get to move some of my stuff.

Though the past week has been totally hectic and difficult, it was also a great opportunity for some husband and wife bonding.

Garando: "Phew, that's definitely the last batch we're doing today. I'll go back to our new home tomorrow to sort the boxes out and do some cleaning."

Garandee: "Hai... sooo tsukareta (tired)..."

Garando: "Now go freshen up and get dressed. Let's eat out tonight!"

Garandee: "OK! Something oishii (delicious) ne..."

Garando: "Yes, let's treat ourselves tonight."

Garandee: "DO!! Where are my undies?!?!"

Garando: " ??? "


Garandee: "My undies were all in this box... and it's not here!"

Garando: "We must've moved it along with the others this morning."

Garandee: "NYOOOO!!! Those were all my undies!"

Garando: " ... "

Garandee: "sigh... "

Garando: "you can use mine."

Garandee: "EEEEHHHH?!?! MAJI DE (are you nuts)?!?!"

Garando: "Here's a bikini cut. It's the smallest one I got."

Garandee: "Oh my goodness..."

After a few minutes...

Garando: "How is it?"

Garandee: "It's sooooo BIG for me!!!"

Garando: "Use a clip or something."

Garandee: " ... "

To my friends, so sorry for not being able to bloghop yet. Hopefully my life will go back to normal after we're all settled in our new home.

Thanks for your understanding!

Garando mode:
Better it was her undies than the other way around.
Read More......

Back from Sick Leave

Sorry for the looong absence!! I caught the flu a couple of weeks back and it was one of the worst influenzas I ever had to go through. It took me four days to finish watching that Angels and Demons film. I was that sick!


Was it AH1N1? Beats me. I didn't bother to have my throat swabbed because I can be very ticklish.

But one thing's for sure, when I'm bedridden Garandee loses a chauffeur.

Garandee: "DO! I'll take a TAXI going home, rest ikaw!"

Garando: "Try walking over to that gas station by the intersection. I always found it easier to get a TAXI over there."

Garandee: "Nyo, I don't want. It's dangelous!"

Garando: "Dangerous? It's a very populated area so it should be safe."

Garandee: "Nyo, might EXPLODE!"

Garando: "Explode?!?!"

Garandee: "...then I will become afro."

Garando: " ... "

Afro wife has seen too many action movies.


Garando mode:
It's dreadful how much work piles up after coming back from a long sick leave... Read More......

The Danger Of Sleeping

Garandee: "Garando! Look at this... What's that?"

Garando: " ...GASP! That's a picture of me sleeping with my mouth open. IKAW!!! You took my photo!?!?"

Garandee: "See? That's proof that it's not only me. You're even worse."

Garando: "Well, be glad that I don't snore."

Garandee: "Hmmm... maybe."

Garando: "Now go ahead and delete that before someone else sees it!"

Garandee: "I already sent it to Mom."

Garando: " !!! "


Garando mode:
Someone will find a peanut in her bellybutton when she wakes up... Read More......

Don't Miss Me Too Much!

She doesn't really show it, but I know she will miss me while I'm gone.

Garandee: "Wow, the bed will have a lot of space!"

She's trying so hard to act normal, but I'm sure she knows how lonely it gets when I'm not around.

Garandee: "...now I can roll around the bed as much as I want!"

She's going to have to deal with having lunch & dinner on her own.

Garandee: "...and I don't have to fight to get all the pillows!"

And worst of all, she won't have a soft tummy to rest her head on when she watches her weird Japanese dramas.

Garandee: "...I finally have the TV all for myself!!"

Yes, she doesn't show it, but she will miss me while I'm gone.


Garandee: "Do?"

Garando: "Yes dear? Miss me already?"

Garandee: "Nyo. Don't forget my list of omiyage (souvenirs) ok?!"

Garando: " ... " (slaps forehead)

Garandee: "And don't miss me too much! Concentrate on your work!"

Garando: " opo... "


Garandee mode:
Bye beeeee! Gambatte Garando! (do your best!)

Garando mode:
Hai, itekimasu! (bye bye) I musn't go home without her four little tea cups... Ganbarimasu!! Read More......

Garando's Errand Challenge #1

Garandee: "Garando..."

Garando: "Yes?"

Garandee: "I ran out of sanitary napkins..."

Garando: "I see."

Garandee: "Can you please buy me some?"

Garando: " ... "

Garandee: "Can you?"

Garando: "uhhhh... well...."

Garandee: "Don't worry, people won't think you're the one who will use it!"

Garando: "Hmmmmm... but...."

Garandee: "Just be MACHO! Talk to the cashier in a very deep and low voice. Drop the napkin in front of her and say, IT'S FOR MY FEMALE WIFE! You know, like Yakuza style!"

Garando: "Yeah, but still..."

Garandee: "I remember you bought me some before we got married."

Garando: "I did?"

Garandee: "HAI! And now we're married you don't want to buy me napkins anymore. HMPH!"

Garando: "...I did?"


Later that evening...

Garando: "Tadaima!" (I'm home)

Garandee: "Okaeri!" (Welcome home)

Garando: "Here you go."

Garandee: "WOW!!! You bought the napkins!"

Garando: "I guess it's better than asking me to buy a pair of ladies' underwear."

Garandee: "WOW! SWEET NAMAN!!" (how sweet!)


Garando mode:
Happy Easter!! Read More......

Don't Let The Wife Buy The Undies

Why does she love buying me boxers like these?


I know that nobody else besides Garandee will actually see me wearing it, but what about my dignity? I had no choice but to ask her to stop buying me boxers that fall under any of these design classifications:

1) Floral
2) Pink
3) Polka Dots
4) Sanrio Characters

Fortunately, she agreed without further argument. So over the weekend she bought me this abomination instead.


front

back
Not much of an improvement, but at least the fabric was soft and light.

I wonder if she's being sarcastic about the carrot...


Garando mode:
Haju kashii.... Read More......

Home-based IT Support with a Twist

Garandee: "Do, Can you please sit next to me?"

Garando: "Sure dear. You miss me already?"

Garandee: "Nyo. There's something wrong with my Photoshop... Everytime I open a file it opens as black & white."

Garando: "Hmmm... that's odd. Hand me the mouse, I'll take a look at the settings..."

Garandee: "I didn't change anything, it just happened all of a sudden!"

Garando: "Hmmmm... Nothing seems to be out of place. All the settings are... BURP! excuse me! ....all the settings are at default so..."

Garandee: " !!! "

Garando: "What?"

Garandee: "KUSSSAAAAAIIIII!!! (it stinks)" Pinching her nose

Garando: " ??? "

Garandee: "I shouldn't have cooked longganiza for you today!!"

Garando: "Eeehh? It's not thaaaat baaaad. Seeeee? Haaaaaaahhhhh."

Garandee: "Oh my goodness talaga!"

Garando: "Wait, where are you going? I'm still fixing your..."

Garandee: "To the bedroom! Sooo kusai! (it stinks)"

Bedroom door: "SLAM!"

Garando: "...at least it still smells the same way when I ate it... unlike natto."


Garando mode:
Had to wake up so early to drive for Garandee today... Read More......

Meme: "Garando likes to..."

A few weeks ago, I found this meme over at Alice's blog, I thought it was really FUN to do so I gave it a shot. Very simple instructions:

1) Go to Google
2) Type YOUR FIRST NAME and the words "LIKES TO" all in quotation marks... "Alice likes to"
3) Report back on the first ten things that come up for your name

I used "Garando" and ended up with zero results. DUH. So I tried using my real first name. I was surprised when Google came back with the most outrageous results! Now why does this happen to me all the time??

Results (All copied from Google as is):
1) ** likes to Beep
2) ** likes to chew the fat with Bob during coffee break
3) ** likes to enact bondage scenarios
4) ** likes to bet that's all
5) ** likes to keep fit by running, cycling, swimming, gym and martial arts (though not all at the same time)
6) ** likes to write about community, technology and changing the world
7) ** likes to study algae
8) ** likes to work in all areas of his craft, particularly illustrating children's books
9) ** likes to use repetition to highlight important ideas
10) ** likes to watch dvd's and play with the buttons on the machine

To summarize:
Garando is a sporty, healthy, and fit *beep* who loves to re-enact bondage with Bob where he chews fat and play with various buttons on a machine.

After getting his degree on algae research he now writes children's books about changing the world via altering the community, taking advantage of technology, and doing a lot of gambling. All the pages of his books are identical with the first page.


Garandee mode:
What shall I cook for dinner? Read More......

The Blue Day

Sorry, I thought I was done with my shirt posts, but last Tuesday...

Garandee: "Eh? I thought you were planning to wear this shirt today?"

Garando: "No, today I'm wearing this blue one."

Garandee: "Why?"

Garando: "I received an email that today's a BLUE day."

Garandee: "BLUE day?"

Garando: "Yes, the entire organization must come to work wearing Blue."

Garandee: "I see... Interesting."

Garando: "There's probably another photo session... I dunno."

Garandee: "Is there a flat-stomach day?"

Garando: " ... "

Garandee: "...then you'll be in trouble."

Garando: "It's not so bad when I tuck my shirt in. See?"


Garandee mode:
Talk to da hand!! Read More......

Garando And His Fancy Shirt

Last week, just after breakfast...

Garandee: "WOW! You're finally wearing the shirt I gave you!"

Garando: "Huh? uh... yeah."

Garandee: "I can't remember... when was the last time you wore that?"

Garando: "Hmmm... almost two years ago?"

Garandee: "IKAW! You should wear it more often! It's really nice you know. Besides, that was my present!"

Garando: "Yep, that's the idea."

Garandee: "Good!" (fixes the creases and pulls on my sleeves)

Garando: "Uhh... the collar's kinda BIG."

Garandee: "Nyo. That's normal."

Garando: "Really? Don't you think the fabric's a little too glossy?"

Garandee: "Nyo! It makes it look classy."

Garando: "uh... It's a bit too PINK."

Garandee: "Pink looks good on you! That's a nice shade of pink."

Garando: "uh... um... hmmmmm..."

Garandee: "Go now! Hayaku! Hayaku! (Hurry!) Here's your bag and your wallet... Go! You'll be late for your meeting!"

Garando: "but wait... uh... I look like a gigolo... maybe I should..."

Garandee: "BYE BYE!!! See you tonight!"

Front door: "SLAM! click!"

Garando: "uh.... bye..."


Garando mode:
Getting ready for another busy week! Read More......

The Glorious Bento Days

Garando: "sigh..."

Garando: "double sigh..."

I miss the glorious bento days when I still had that "magic bento box" Garandee gave me.

Why magic? Because since then, I always had the best lunch boxes ever in my entire life! Enough to make me very popular around the office. Ok, only 5 people knew about it, but I guess that's popular enough.

Nevertheless, nothing's more authentic than having a Mongolian make my Japanese Bento.

This is a tribute to some of the best the bentos that have come and gone. May their memory live forever in my sophisticated gut.


Exhibit #1
1) Chicken, hard boiled egg and radish boiled in a soy sauce based stew.
2) Baked Greek Kofta with shaved almonds
3) Salad with no dressing (I spilled it all over my desk)



Exhibit #2
1) Sauteed sweet & spicy chicken, Chinese style
2) Fried spring rolls, Japanese style
3) Salad: Greens with tomato and steamed broccoli with no dressing (I misplaced it)


Exhibit #3
1) Nikujaga: Sukiyaki beef, potatoes and konyaku stewed in a sweet soy sauce broth.
2) Rolled chicken breast katsu with mozzarella at the core
3) Steamed broccoli & a deep fried minced chicken ball


Exhibit #4
(this came with Exhibit #3)
1) Lumps of Japanese rice topped with furikake and pickles
2) Steamed broccoli & deep fried minced chicken ball again


Exhibit #5
1) Beef yakiniku
2) Deep fried prawns covered with sliced almonds
3) Rolled tamago
4) Rolled cold cuts with boiled asparagus at the core & the biggest bean I have ever seen in my entire life

If I didn't heat my magic bento box in that blasted microwave in our office pantry I would still be living the dream.

Not much Garandee can do with a warped triangle bento box. Now I have to settle for recycled plastic take-out containers.

Garando: "sigh..."

Garando: "sob..."


Garandee mode:
At least it's microwave safe!

Read More......

Meme: "Have You?"

Tagged by Sheng! Almost everybody else I know got tagged already so I won't tag more people. Feel free to join though!

1. Have you ever been on TV?
Apparently, Yes. My Dad said he saw me clapping my hands on primetime news.

2. Have you ever sung in public?
Yes, and they almost called security.

3. Have you ever dyed your hair blond?
Nope. If I did that I'll pass for an albino already. Not that there's anything wrong with it, I just like to maintain the contrast.

4. Have you ever eaten frog legs?
Yes, it's no big deal. Did I mention I'll dare to eat anything?

5. Have you ever received a present that you really hated?
Someone gave me a keychain with a preserved bug inside.

6. Have you ever walked into a lamp post?
Nope, but I've walked into clear glass a couple of times. Plus I've hit my head on low hanging signs and ceilings quite often. I swear to God I'll find a way to invent that rubber stopper that I can conveniently wear on my forehead.

7. Have you ever cooked a meal by yourself for more than 15 people?
No the last time I cooked for myself I got food poisoning. I cook for others and I'll likely end up in jail.

8. Have you ever fallen or stumbled in front of others?
I've stumbled on some people. Sometimes on purpose.

9. Have you ever done volunteer work?
Yes, but I probably need to do more. I volunteer around the kitchen a lot as Garandee's taste tester, does that count?


Garandee mode:
Grabe mainit! Gusto ako summer! (super HOT! I love summer!)

Garando mode:
Tottemo Achui! Watashiwa shinu! (super HOT, I die!) Read More......

New Discoveries I Despise

Garandee: "DO!! Come here quick!"

Garando: "What? What?"

Garandee: "oooooooh....."

Garando: "WHAT??"

Garandee: "You have one WHITE hair in your nose, sticking out!"

Garando: "GASP! No kidding?"

Garandee: "Come look at the mirror... there! See?"

Garando: "OH MY GOD! It's true! ...DON'T even THINK about it!"

Garandee: "ummmmm... Can I pull it out?"

Garando: "NO!"

Garandee: "Eeeh?? Can I? Please???"

Garando: "Go away."

Garandee: "I'll get my tweezers... DO!! unlock the door!"

Garando: "NO! I'll cut it myself!"


Garando mode:
How many years left before my nostrils turn white...? Read More......

Dee's New Do!

No, she doesn't have a new Garando, she's still stuck with THIS Garando (pointing at my nose). What she did get was a completely new Hairdo.


It took me about a minute or two to recover from the shock: Her hair was 60% shorter, I would certainly not recognize her if she hadn't smiled at me... I'd recognize those big incisors anywhere.

Hair Stylists can be unpredictable.

After reading Gigi's post about how pushy some salons in Manila can be, it reminded me of how hostile they were to me. "Why's that?" you ask...

Because I'm proud to be kulot (curly).


I'm no afro, but my hair is very wavy. When I was in high school I promised myself that I'll drop the clean-cut on my 30th birthday. The moment I reached that milestone, I stopped my regular visits to Bruno's the friendly neighborhood barber shop.

After about 8 months, I began to look like a homeless person so I thought it was about time to head to a salon and put some sense into my hair.

I tried David's Salon but came running out when the stylist told me he wanted to iron my hair.

I went to Bench Fixx Salon, but the stench of hair-straightening chemicals was too nauseating, so I left.

I didn't even think twice of avoiding Going Straight Salon.

I finally went to Piandre Salon in Greenbelt, because people there looked like they knew what they were doing....Or so I thought.

I knew I shouldn't have read that GQ magazine while they were workin' on my hair. I gasped when I looked at the mirror as they were finishing up.


I looked like Palito, one of the institutions in Philippine comedy*.

Now I go to the same salon as Garandee. I've finally found a salon who will accept me for who I am (kulot!) and so far I've been very satisfied with their snipping. It's a minimalist salon manned by two Japanese stylists. Maybe you'd want to check it out too. Satisfaction guaranteed, kulot or not.

Now should I ask if Garandee if her Stylist's dead in a ditch somewhere? Hmmmm, maybe not... looks like she likes her new 'do.

*Check out Dennis Villegas' excellent article and photos of Palito here.


Garando mode:
It's extremely hot tonight... looks like Summer's around the corner...
Read More......

A Practical Valentine

Garandee: "Do! Don't buy me flowers for Valentine's OK? Just save money ikaw."

Garando: "Oh... really? But it would've been nice if..."

Garandee: "Saving your money is better, you've given me too many flowers before."

Garando: "Well... Ok. How about..."

Garandee: "And don't buy me chocolates too. We can buy chocolates anytime anyway."

Garando: "Uh... Ok. Well maybe we can..."

Garandee: "And I don't feel like going through all the traffic and crowded restaurants again so let's just have dinner at home. Valentine menus are expensive!"

Garando: "Ok. Save money. I guess I shouldn't ask anymore if you wanted Häagen-Dazs."

Garandee: "WOW!"

Garando: "..???"

Garandee: "Vanilla po!!"


Happy Valentines!!


Garando mode:
Groan... My body is currently made up of 90% sipon (snot). Read More......

Your Blog is Fab Award

Big, big thanks to Alice Teh for awarding me with the "Your Blog is Fabulous" Award!

Now I'd like to reciprocate this award to Alice, so please go on over to her blog and check out her fabulous book reviews, photos and food adventures! If you're lucky you might even spot "Swinger" in her posts!

This award comes with posting about 5 things I'm addicted to. So here goes...

1) I'm addicted music. I listen to almost every genre out there but my favorites are in my Flash Fetish widget. Check it out!

2) I'm addicted to computer games. Enough for Garandee to brand me as her cute & lovable "Computer Otaku (geek)".

3) I'm addicted to my Office Outlook. My unread emails are like termites. I leave it alone for a day and they triple overnight.

4) I'm addicted to the internet. I used to have a macho, well rounded and plump butt before I discovered the internet. Now it's all flat thanks to all that sitting and browsing.

5) I'm addicted to Garandee's super delicious food. So if she reads this, I get extra points at home.


Garando mode:
My nose is like a busted fire hydrant. Looks like I'm comin' down with a cold... Read More......

Free Japanese Lessons

In order for me to make the most out of our visits to Japan, Garandee said she'll teach me a little Nihongo (Japanese) each week. She usually forgets to do it, but whenever she does remember...

Garandee: "Today I will teach you the Nihongo word for 'the day before yesterday'. Can you say, ototoi?"

Garando: "ototoy."

Garandee: "Nyo, it's close but not quite. Again, ototoi."

Garando: "ototoy."

Garandee: "Still not right. Ototoi!"

Garando: "but... it sounded right to me... Ototoy!!"

Garandee: "sigh...." (shakes her head)

Garando: ".... uhhhh.... ototoy?"

Garandee: "Nyo, nyo nyo! Listen to me! Ototoi!"

Garando: " .......Ototooo-i?"

Garandee: " ... "

Garando: "Did I finally say it right?"

Garandee: "So-so. Sigh... I guess that will do."

Garando: "Yey. Can I go use the computer now?"

Garandee: "Sit down! Ok, our next word is..."


Garando mode:
Can I just bring a pocket translator? Read More......

Baby, You Can Drive My Car

Garandee: "Garando, did you already ask about the requirements for getting a drivers' license for foreigners?"

Garando: "Uh, not yet... I was very busy."

Garandee: "Ikaw! I already reminded you so many times! Please get the requirements already. The sooner I can drive, the better!"

Wow, what a sudden change of heart. I remember she said she will NEVER drive in Manila. Anybody who's seen the state of traffic around here will immediately understand why.

Garando: "Ok, before you REALLY start driving, you'll need to graduate from Garando's Defensive Driving for Dummies."

Garandee: "Ok po. We have car insurance di ba?"

Garando: "Yes, I got that all covered."

Later at the office...

Garando: "Hello. Malayan Insurance?"

Insurance Agent: "Yes, may I help you?"

Garando: "My wife's about to start driving. How much do I pay extra for Act Of God coverage?"


Garando mode:
Maybe I should only let her drive during Sundays... Read More......

It's Cheap and Expensive!

I can iron my own shirt.

I'm fully domesticated and I'm actually pretty good at it. (after over 10 years of intensive self-training and about a dozen burnt garbs, I better be!)

Last Friday I was ironing the shirt I'm planning to wear for our family's post-new year dinner party when Garandee asked me if I can also do her blouse while I'm at it.

Garando: "You mean this white one? Ok sure..."

Garandee: "Please be careful. Check to make sure that the iron's clean to prevent stains, carefully check the heat to avoid burning the fabric."

Garando: "Ok! No worries, you're looking at an expert."

Garandee: "Be very careful! That's very expensive!!"

Now hold on a second... How come whenever we'd go shopping then I'll see her with a shopping bag, before I can even say anything she's quick to tell me, "Wow! it's so cheap, it's such a bargain!!"

Now I'm about to iron it, it's suddenly "very expensive"?

I'm confuzed...

Garandee: "Because when I put it on it becomes very expensive! ...di ba?"

Garando: " ... " (slaps forehead)


Garando mode:
This is me in the office tomorrow.... Read More......

Dental Dilemma

Garando: "Mine is on the far left of the case, and yours is on the far right. OK?"

Garandee: "Hai!"

Garando: "Great! And since we never brush our teeth at the same time, then there's a slim chance for error."

Garandee: "Hai!"

This was my strategy after "accidentally" buying a toothbrush that was identical to Garandee's. A brilliant solution if I might say, but apparently not sustainable.

Because after a few days...

Garando: "Dee, my toothbrush is wet. I saw you brushing earlier, did you use it?"

Garandee: "Nyo."

Garando: "But your toothbrush is dry..."

Garandee: "Ooops! Sorry po! But no big deal, it's like kissing anyway."

Garando: "Kissing?!"

Garandee: "Hee hee..."

So then I thought of an even better solution: The Kitchen. If I keep my toothbrush there, it's too far from hers to accidentally get switched!


It worked really well for a good couple of years, I'm particularly proud of that. Besides, I also made sure that never again will I end up with the same toothbrush as hers.

But last weekend...

Garando: "Dee, my toothbrush is wet. Did you use it?"

Garandee: "Of course not!!"

Garando: "But... how...? "

Then I saw it.

Another toothbrush was on the kitchen counter and it was exactly identical to mine!

Garandee: "Oh! Please don't keep your toothbrush in the kitchen because that's where I keep the one I've been using to clean the oven."

Garando: " !!!!! "


Garando mode:
I probably finished half a bottle of mouthwash...

Read More......